for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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