she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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