Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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