drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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