I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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