16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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