what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
