sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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