pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
