the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
