So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
