You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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