Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
