I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
