On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
