Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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