i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
