the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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