i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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