I can tuck mytits in my pants
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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