I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
