Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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