just come out here and I will go home with you...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
