so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
