i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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