she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have post one night stand depression
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
