fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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