can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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