Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
