I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
