you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
