So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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