Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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