I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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