he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my being single is dangerous.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
