so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
