All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
