please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
