just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
