No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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