it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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