i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
