I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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