Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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