Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
