I am spending my child support on dildos
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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