So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
