if only i could text you this smell
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
