i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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