This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize