Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're making bets on your personal life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
