No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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