If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
