just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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