I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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