we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
