i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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