don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
