Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nicole vs. Life
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
