New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
