bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
