Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You took a bar mat shot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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