i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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