I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
