I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
