The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
did i just pee glitter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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