May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She even gives head with a lisp.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
