This is not my ceiling
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
