she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
