Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
