I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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