Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
