dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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