If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
