everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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