Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
