Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.