I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...