I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.