he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.