The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell