loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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