I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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