My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
