One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
