Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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