she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
