Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
